Pizza Topping Commandments

Thou shalt order the following on a pizza:
  • Italian sausage
  • Pepperoni (though NEVER cubed)
  • Tomato
  • Mushroom
  • Black olive
  • White onion
  • Green peppers
Thou may order the following when feeling like REALLY letting loose:
  • Prosciutto
  • Spinach
  • Banana peppers
  • Red peppers
  • Red onions
  • Basil
  • Garlic
  • Green olives
  • Artichokes
  • Anchovies (I guess)
  • Chicken (though NEVER EVER of the barbecue variety)
Thou shalt NEVER order the following on a pizza. Failure to comply is punishable by murderdeath, followed by eternal damnation in the pizza oven of the netherworld:
  • Ground beef
  • Canadian bacon
  • Bacon
  • Ham
  • Pineapple
  • Breakfast sausage
  • Chorizo
  • Sauer Kraut
  • Polish sausage
  • Broccoli
  • Cauliflower
  • Carrots
  • Doritos
  • Lettuce
  • Sour cream
  • Jalepeno peppers
  • Barbecue chicken
  • Barbecue sauce
  • Goat cheese
  • American cheese
  • Pickles
  • Mustard
  • Ketchup
  • An egg
  • Shrimp
  • Crab Rangoon
  • Soy Sauce
… or anything else, really. And don’t dip your crust in effing honey.
Also don’t ever put ketchup on a hot dog.
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