Why did I quit you? Let me count the ways …

Dear NBA,

I can’t put my finger on a single event that made me stop watching you. To be honest, I don’t remember exactly when I stopped watching.

Whenever I decide to give you another shot, though … I recall exactly why I quit you.

No, my letter to you is not constructive. I offer no solutions. I only point out the maladies. Below are just a few of them:

1.) A player who looks like this doesn’t even stand out. I have no data to support this, but I am certain the ratio of players with full-sleeve tattoos to those without is roughly 9-to-1.

2.) You have decided you don’t need to enforce the traveling rule. It seems to me that being required to dribble whenever moving is a basic rule unique to your sport (See Section XIV). Yet everytime I turn on a game or watch highlights, all the plays look something like this:

3.) The Golden State Warriors then (Best uniforms ever?) The Golden State Warriors now. FAIL.

4.) The Atlanta Hawks then (P.S. What happened to players like Dominique?). The Atlanta Hawks now. FAIL.

5.) The Cleveland Cavaliers then (!!) The Cleveland Cavaliers now. FAIL … although, they at least had the good graces to spare us from having to see these anymore. (FAIL).

6.) The Houston Rockets then. The Houston Rockets now. FAIL. Again, though, they DO have worse skeletons in their closet. Oh God! EPIC FAIL.

7.) You had the Washington Bullets. You neutered them and renamed them the WIZARDS?! Seriously? THE WIZARDS?!!!

8.) The Charlotte Hornets moved to New Orleans in 2002. Two years later, you put an expansion team in Charlotte. Why the F didn’t you just put an expansion team in New Orleans in the first place? Better yet, why didn’t you just keep The Jazz in a place that actually allows jazz?

9.) Wait. The Charlotte Bobcats. That’s a team?

10.) The Toronto Raptors. That’s a team? THE RAPTORS?! Seriously?!

11.) The Memphis Grizzlies. That’s a team?

12.) The Oklahoma City Thunder?! THAT’S a team?!

13.) If the regular season ended today, these teams WOULD MAKE THE PLAYOFFS:
The Miami Heat, who have a 24-26 (.480) record.
The Chicago Bulls, 23-25 (.479).
You don’t even have to play .500 ball to make the playoffs?!

Sincerely,
Me

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